The Fascinating Adventures of Closet Man
So some have said tht anyone's story could make a good book, if told right, so I decided to try to prove these optimists wrong. I tought of a a counter-example--he story of a guy who lived his life locked a closet, without any experience of the outside world. I figured it would have to be the most boring story ever.
You decide.
These, then, are The Fascinating Adventures of Closet Man.
We begin with a few randomly chosen diary entries, meant to show how truly boring his story would be:
Diary entry, Dec. 4, 1985: Woke up. Still in the closet. Not much going on. Maybe something will happen tomorrow.
Diary entry, Sept. 22, 1993: woke up. Yeah, still in this closet. Maybe tomorrow will be different. No, I suppose it won't really be different. Not really.
But then I realized there would have to be days like this:
Diary entry, Aug. 3, 1995: Woke up. It's HOT today. Well, it is summer, after all--even if I can't see outdoors. For some reason, this reminds me of a day in 1977 when it was really cold in here. I guess it was Winter. Maybe the heat was off. I wonder who lives outside this closet? I dunno. Hmmm I wonder how I know there IS an outside, outside this closet? Hmmmm.... I'll have to think about this some more. I guess I do have plenty of time to think, don't I?
Or this:
Diary entry, March 14, 1987: Woke up. Yeah, still in here. In the closet, I mean. What else would I mean? Just what other f***ing "here" could there possibly be? I mean, I'm locked in a closet, ferchris'sakes. And just why am I writing all this down? Who the f*** do I think is going to f***ing read this cr*p? I'm still not totally sure there even IS anyone else or anything outside this f****ing closet. Sometimes I get sooo mad.
Diary entry, March 15, 1987: Woke up. Still in the closet. I don't know what came over me yesterday. People will think I'm nuts if I keep ranting and raving like I did yesterday. .... People? What f***ing people..? Never mind, I don't want to get started again. Wait, there MUST be SOMEone out there. Who keeps sliding those plates under the door? I guess it could be God. Divine Providence. Yeah. Could be.
So you see, it might actually make a good book. Wouldn't you read it?
Ummm... Why n....
Never mind.
You decide.
These, then, are The Fascinating Adventures of Closet Man.
We begin with a few randomly chosen diary entries, meant to show how truly boring his story would be:
Diary entry, Dec. 4, 1985: Woke up. Still in the closet. Not much going on. Maybe something will happen tomorrow.
Diary entry, Sept. 22, 1993: woke up. Yeah, still in this closet. Maybe tomorrow will be different. No, I suppose it won't really be different. Not really.
But then I realized there would have to be days like this:
Diary entry, Aug. 3, 1995: Woke up. It's HOT today. Well, it is summer, after all--even if I can't see outdoors. For some reason, this reminds me of a day in 1977 when it was really cold in here. I guess it was Winter. Maybe the heat was off. I wonder who lives outside this closet? I dunno. Hmmm I wonder how I know there IS an outside, outside this closet? Hmmmm.... I'll have to think about this some more. I guess I do have plenty of time to think, don't I?
Or this:
Diary entry, March 14, 1987: Woke up. Yeah, still in here. In the closet, I mean. What else would I mean? Just what other f***ing "here" could there possibly be? I mean, I'm locked in a closet, ferchris'sakes. And just why am I writing all this down? Who the f*** do I think is going to f***ing read this cr*p? I'm still not totally sure there even IS anyone else or anything outside this f****ing closet. Sometimes I get sooo mad.
Diary entry, March 15, 1987: Woke up. Still in the closet. I don't know what came over me yesterday. People will think I'm nuts if I keep ranting and raving like I did yesterday. .... People? What f***ing people..? Never mind, I don't want to get started again. Wait, there MUST be SOMEone out there. Who keeps sliding those plates under the door? I guess it could be God. Divine Providence. Yeah. Could be.
So you see, it might actually make a good book. Wouldn't you read it?
Ummm... Why n....
Never mind.
posted by John McGreivey at 10:19 AM
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